08.13.26
Aphelion
For one terrible, exquisite instant, I was more alive than I had ever been.
The darkness pressed against me like a great animal. I lifted my face toward it. “If this is it,” I whispered, “please let me see.” And the stars, innumerable and indifferent, went on burning.
The stars were astonishing. Without the electricity, the sky had become obscene with them. There were too many. It seemed indecent that the heavens should be so beautiful at the moment of possible damnation.
They had been burning before I arrived and would burn after I was gone, but for just one moment, their light crossed the enormous dark and entered my eyes.
My hands -lifted before my face- were no longer hands but two pale, trembling shapes suspended in a field.
Is this how things are going to be now?
I stood there sipping my lemonade, and adjusted the pleats of my dress where they had gone crooked at the waist. One must maintain some standards. Perhaps, after all, there was no need to panic.
I could not have said when it happened, but gradually I began to see the whole of it. I might have telephoned someone to tell them, had there been a way to. The little cabin sunk amongst the pines, the lake, the world turning beneath my feet, the forgotten cities, the oceans, the extinct creatures, and every life not yet precipitated into flesh, all of it moving through time like light through a prism. The remote planets wheeling in their antique courses, and I, with the vertiginous impression that nothing was absent, only hidden from the narrow aperture of my human eye.
A single enormous colour, passing through us.
As though all these words were nothing but little sewing pins.
I placed __________ beneath my pillow before coming to bed. I do not quite know why. I had the feeling that I ought to test something, although I cannot say what. (*There are periods in which no vision is granted and no progress can be measured.The traveller might conclude that the heavens had forgotten him.*)
If I dream tonight, I will write down whatever I remember.
I can hear foxes calling to one another. I listen to them for a long time. Their voices are so old that they seem almost geological. I find this comforting.
07.15.26
The pre-phenomenological state was genuinely immaculate until consciousness.
Realizing I need to be saved.
04.19.26
When the Bells
Beneath the
Earth Began.
Only when the bells beneath the earth toll, shall my hidden kingdoms stand confessed, and the great wings, so long beaten against the cage of caution, gather themselves at last into rest.
Then comes Spring, that green apostle. Passes her warm hand over the scarred orchards and says to the roots what no magistrate could.
What was clenched all winter in the bark now loosens. What seemed dead was only listening.
Here Thomas comes, the Twin, with divided face.
One eye for nail, one eye for risen flame; He walks through every soul’s contested place, He walks through the corridors with two faces joined at one brow. One turned toward the light newly risen.
In him dwell as brothers who quarrel but share one blood. For who has not felt within one breast two voices disputing? One that presses the branch to see whether it is living wood or painted wax.
If Spring should knock, I shall not bolt it with last season’s key. I shall open, though not unwisely. the guarded girl with keys at every belt.
Under these meek ribs, a creature vast. Turn in his sleep, as mountains move in dream.
If I ask aught, it is no mighty thing, seeing the bird that trembleth in the hand, close not thy fingers. Bruise not that frail wing.
Learn that all nearness need not seize. Stand at the threshold till the bells within persuade thy ear.
Many of hands know touching but by cage. They make the skull a chalice,With blindfold feet and garlands in the hair.
Only then shall I trust, not as the foolish trust, as earth were but the husk around a seam.
If one then come with reverent steps and slow, bearing no net, but bread and listening eyes,
he shall find a field.
Not struck by fear, but moved by winds unseen.
Through radiance shed and won, that the hidden life does not grow by hoarding itself but by being poured.I thought the sealed vessel safest because it was sealed.
Yet now I saw from some altitude not measured by feet that there descends continually a greenness into the world. The tree does not clutch its sap but sends it upward.
The pear on the table was carrying sunlight inward to sweetness.
And the laughter moved through me like bells loosed from towers and sent rolling over hills!
The dark roots laugh beneath the household spring.
01.15.24
K = Ψq + α(Σs - ε) + δt
K = Key representing the essence of secrecy and trust
Ψq = Quantum unpredictability and randomness
α = Coefficient of shared secrecy and intimacy
Σs = Security of information
ε = Adversarial interference, approaching zero
δt = Time-dependent evolution
K (key) = \text{Quantum Randomness} + \text{Secrecy} - \text{Interference} + \text{Time-Evol.}
(K)ryptoshphaira = 1 Peter 3:4 but let it be the inner (kryptos | κρυπτός) person of the heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which in the sight of God is precious.
